Where You Can Find Me

As I've been working so hard to integrate all my on line activities, some links have changed, here's places you can find me...

FACEBOOK  

TWITTER

G+

MY BLOGS - Please note new links for these and I do apologize for the upheaval.

The Life I Write
The Many Facets of Samantha Lucas (an overview of my life)
One Blonde's Adventures

Email Me

On the Road to Florida #13

I have been so busy with work the last two weeks I've barely had a chance to breathe. I'm equally frustrated and excited though that the work has been more life oriented than book oriented. Something is happening in my life, something that feels almost magical for lack of a better way of putting it. Its as if the pieces of my life are being revealed as they slip into place. My brain is expanding, my strength is growing solid, and I'm becoming bolder. I have a passion and a calling on my life and I have a lot of people in my life who don't seem to understand this. They want me to be "normal" they want me to follow the rules of logic... hell, I used to want that myself! I've spent a good bit of my life trying to make sense, follow the common sense, plan think do... be normal, but I'm realizing that Passion doesn't live normal. Passion isn't logical. Passion isn't tame. Passion doesn't have a back-up plan. I'm going after all the things I want in life and I'm also going to surround myself only with people who can be supportive of me in this journey.

I've been living a walking the fence existence much of this year between the life I'm headed for and the life that makes the people around me most comfortable...that stops now.

I have seen how blessed I am and how disrespectful to that blessing it is to water it down so I don't get argued with. I have no real idea why everything has turned completely and why I'm headed into such a beautiful place in life, but I would suspect it has a lot to do with my attitude, the relanguaging and just plain old fashioned hard work I've been doing, but also, for me, I believe it also has to do with my obedience and submission to my god. For without god, I have no real passion in life. Without god how can I have a calling? A greater purpose to my life?

We all filter our experiences through our history, I grew up in a baptist environment, so my language comes from the church and though I don't believe in, agree with, or even rarely darken the door of a church anymore, my faith in a higher power is stronger than ever. I don't worry so much about knowing exactly what that higher power is, I just feel it and follow it... and it seems to be working for me because I am seriously poised to have everything I ever dreamed and that's exciting!

I want to take a moment to thank a couple of people in my life who stood out this past week...

• Jamie, because you said something to me the other day that gave me the courage to grab the calling I have on my life and claim it. I appreciate that more than you could know!
• Rene, because the other night on the phone you asked me a question and I couldn't answer it. Me being me, I've obsessed over why I couldn't answer. I had the answer in my head, but I wouldn't let it come out. I've since realized that my reality is that I think differently than the normal person and my history is that when I share what I think, what I feel, what I want... I get smacked pretty hard for it. So I don't say if I can get away with not saying. I don't want to live that way anymore, so saying what I feel, what I think, what I believe, truthfully and openly has become a new priority in my life. No more hiding. Never again.
• Dale because as much as you've hurt me, you were the first person I ever knew who accepted me for exactly who I am. It doesn't matter what I think or do or want, you have believed in me and made me feel like it was perfectly all right to go after it. I would not be who I am right now without the four years we have spent together. Good and bad, I'm grateful.
• Kevin you support me every single day. Even in the dark times you've been going through, I've never felt abandoned. I knew you were always there with your love and acceptance despite what you were going through. I love you more than anything, bubby. ;-)
• Alec, though your life experience is short, your soul is wise beyond your years. Though you don't always have answers, your willingness to listen to me ramble out problems or concepts is a gift I can never repay... and I appreciate your company on those mile long walks as well!

The landscape of my life is changing. I am accepting the inevitable. I am taking my hard earned wisdom and I am starting to share in a new and exciting way that I hope will inspire, teach and encourage. I'm taking my recent experiences on the dating forefront and developing a new series of erotic romance novels that is a little darker with bdsm, something I'm becoming more and more drawn to every damn day and it's time to simply admit that. And of course, I am still moving to Florida in 2012! 

A friend asked me last night what if I fail?

I got frustrated because I knew I wasn't expressing myself properly, but after sleeping on it, this is what I've decided about my life, passion and possible failure...

My plan is to write and to reach out to women. To inspire, teach and encourage... I'm already doing these things as I know by the mail you send me, so there is no "fail." I'm already published 20 times over, so there is no "fail." The early feedback I've gotten on the new series is that its the best thing I've ever written so I'm confident there is no "fail." What's going on with me now is simply a mental shift where I'm accepting the truths in my life, there is no "fail" in that either.

I realize that the typical person defines success and failure financially, but I don't. I define success by growth, by learning. By the emails I get from women who tell me they've made changes in their lives based on reading my blogs and watching my struggles and successes. I already get those so I've already succeeded. If I get to Florida and can't support myself solely on my writing, because yes I do realize it will be more expensive to live there then here, then I get a job waiting tables. Financial success isn't part of the plan, it will hopefully be a by-product of it, but the intention is to inspire, teach and encourage women into growing strong and living their dreams... I can't fail at that, I'm already doing it.

Have a wonderfully beautiful amazing weekend! Get out and enjoy the fall weather and if you are so lucky, the fall colors. Continue to bear with me through these changes because something amazing is about to happen, and I wouldn't want you to miss it! Until next time ! Samantha

In Search of a Soul Mate #8

Indulge me. Ordinarily when you join me, I'd like to have a conversation about you, today I'm circling a decision I need to make and over thinking myself to the point of insanity... it involves a man and though I probably needn't say more than that, I'm about to, so please bear with me.

I've been married. 20 years of marriage.
I've raised my children. 2 wonderful amazing boys who, though still struggle with their own idiosyncrasies, the world is lucky to have them!
Dale, to date, probably the love of my life, but though we are still, and I hope will always remain close, we all know that is a closed door.

Do I want to spend the rest of my life alone?

Not really, although I'm not sure I ever want to get into a committed monogamous relationship again either. I'm pretty independent at this stage of my life. I have my writing, and the big Florida move on my plate. I'm working endlessly at reclaiming my body. I have good friends and I'm truly happy. Still, there's sex... I'm sort of a fan.

Though I find the idea of going through the next portion of my life as a single woman appealing, I'd still like to have, for lack of a better word, a boyfriend. Someone to go out with on Friday night, someone who sets my soul on fire with need. Someone who touches my heart as much as my body, but I'm sort of jaded at this point in life and I wonder if that's even possible.

I have a great many hang ups when it comes to sex. I'm not easy. I don't do one night stands and I don't accept offers of intimacy from people I don't feel a connection with. The bad part of that is that I rarely feel that connection mixed with physical attraction. I don't get the spark all that often. Granted, I do live a rather secluded life, me and the laptop and all that, but I find navigating the dating waters difficult. I get scared easily. I turn shy. I've never been very good at dating, I think that's one of the ingredients to my being able to write about it so successfully. Those who can't do, teach, and all that, but I want that to change. I want to find an incredibly satisfying sexual relationship and the absolute truth in the matter is I may be on the verge of that now and I'm not sure how to handle it.

You know that old adage, be careful what you wish for?

There has been a man in my life for the past few months that I have tried very hard to ignore. It's not working. I'm completely torn and conflicted and seem to have come to the place where its jump or take off your parachute. This isn't a soul mate relationship by any definition I've come to so far, yet still, I can't pull away from him... believe me, I tried! So I'm at that place where I'm wondering, do I employ my head or my softer intuitive side?

I stand to lose a lot if I jump here and fail. Of course I will probably learn a lot too so I guess fail is a bit strong of a word. I have trouble believing this man will be able to deal with my shyness and my overthinking and if he can't, then I've put myself in a position to be hurt again... though I've already decided I don't want to live my life taking the road less likely to hurt me.

This man is incredibly sexy and this relationship would be unlike any I've had before, but even though I want it, I doubt myself. This relationship is over a distance at this point, I've never been face to face with him and the strong emotion he can evoke in me, never having even touched me, equally scares and draws me, but I've been riding both edges of the fence long enough, its time to decide, him, and all that entails, or walk away never knowing?

There is nothing normal or typical about this man or this relationship, but I've done typical and normal, it didn't work well for me, yet I still feel pulled in that direction. The quintessential, yet wholly unsatisfying, American white picket fence dream.

I loved my life as a mother. I loved my home and cooking and being domestic, but with my kids grown, nothing about that life feels right anymore. Maybe I'm just being greedy, but I want so much more now.

I know the person I want to be and the life I want to have and its going to be a journey to get there, but I can get there, I know I can! It's very possible this relationship is a gateway to where I want to go. I'm not going in blind, I will be excruciatingly uncomfortable in this relationship at times and I know it, but it will be because I will I grow. Being with him will challenge me, change me, but in my core I believe he's the man that is finally going to unlock all the things my family shut down. He's the man who's going to give me back my wings. I can already feel it starting and I don't want to turn my back on that, but talk about being out of your comfort zone... and what if I fall for him? He doesn't want commitment and marriage any more than I do.

My head says be safe.

My heart says fly!

Oh but he's asking something of me now, something I don't know if I can do. So does it all end here before it ever really got started? I can feel that voice in my head telling me how stupid I'm being to even think I could retain the attention of a man like this. How scandalous this will be. How tragically this will all end.

At the same time, my heart tells me this is the man my soul has waited for from the time of its creation. I don't know what to do with that message. My head argues back that notion is terribly romantic and romantic notions don't serve! ...yet I still hear it.

 Do you think I have it in me to cut the binds that hold me down and fly?

I want to fly... but what if I can't?

Though this is solely about sex for him, it's not for me. It's more. I feel it in my soul that its more. As I already said, being with him will change me. I want that change, but can I get passed myself to just be in the moment? Can I stop overthinking long enough to enjoy this?

This will push me in places I've never even tapped into before. Isn't it normal to be hesitant, to be scared?

I've always gotten through the hard times in my life. I'm tenacious and resourceful. I'm just not sure any of my life skills are going to come in handy in this situation. This is like going into an immersion program in a foreign country. It's an adventure. An adventure I dearly want, but an adventure that will cost me... I guess it comes down to am I willing to pay that cost or not?

I have no clue, but I need to make a decision... and soon!

Have a great Thursday! I hope whatever is on your pate, you learn something, get dragged from your comfort zone and find peace and balance in your soul. Until next time ~ Samantha 

Monday Master Class - Awareness

I believe being self aware is key to authentic living and authentic living is key to abundant living. From the time I was a young child, people watching has been a passion with me. I enjoy trying to figure out who someone is by what they're wearing or shopping for, by how they treat the waitress or their children. I think it was that love that led me to writing, but today I find watching people often frustrates me.

Life holds unlimited possibilities and I feel that in our society we have become very condensed in our day to day lives. We follow along like lemmings, the people around us. I think far too often we forget to ask ourselves why we do something and I think this living with our heads down not seeing the world around us has limited not only our happiness, but our giftts we are meant to give our children, our families, the world.

Life is like Disneyland...you know I've been waiting to make this analogy! Anything you could ever want for joy and happiness is there before you, but there is no possible way to do it all in one visit. A successful visit is achievable only when you research, plan, discuss, choose and then accept the unpredictable like the inevitable ride breakdown.

I was speaking to a friend of mine last night and he was telling me things about books he'd read on subjects that fascinated me. I had considered finding these books and reading them myself, but then I remembered if I do that, I won't be able to read the books I already have in my TBR pile, so it comes down to choices. Every day we have to make choices on things we will trade our time for.

I personally have spent too much of my life letting the day drag me along behind it. Spent too much time trying to juggle impossible schedules. Too much time trying to learn all the things the people around me thought I needed to learn. i live my life very differently these days... with awareness. I am aware that I trade my time all day long and once its traded, I don't get it back. I'm slowly learning to include moments of fun in my day, I am a tad bit of a workaholic after all... or perhaps I should say a recovering workaholic. ;-)


What do you trade your time for? We all have the mundane that must be cared for, but I think its far too easy to allow the have to-s to eat up our lives. What makes you passionate? What sends a surge of joy through your soul so potent you can't control it?

If you have it in your mind, let me ask you this, how often do you partake in that passion?

Do you live it?
Do you squeeze it in where you can?
Do you deny it completely?

I know you're busy, I do, but if you are letting the day drag you, if you are exchanging your time all day long with no awareness of how that time is spent, if at the end of the day you feel tired and drained and unsatisfied, at least ask yourself why.



I make no judgements on your life, its yours, you have to navigate it in such a way that you can live with. Try if you can though to understand my family, they are the type of people who do things without thinking. Most of my family is now dead, but I remember as a child, a teen and an adult watching these people run from things, hide from emotions, just jump in without ever checking the water level in the pool. I have never understood that and from this, my passion for making people think has grown to a point where I can no longer hide it.

I've learned from my suffering and my trials and I strive to live authentically and intentionally no matter what, but I honestly do not want anyone to follow me and my life choices like a little mindless drone. That's not what I'm about. I have nothing invested in your life choices, but what drives me, and what grieves me, is to see you running your life with no real foundation or direction other than to do what everyone around you is doing. If I could give you one gift, it would be the gift of vision and clarity. Whatever choices you are making in your life, whatever you are trading your time for, please just know why. Even the unhealthy choices, if you are at least aware of them, when you have the strength, you'll change.

 I realize no life is perfect,we always have things to trim and change and as we learn and grow, new things become important, our focus shifts, old things fade away. Life is fluid, accept that. I spent decades of my life thinking if I just got it to "this" place, it would somehow miraculously stay like a painting and all would be perfect in my world. It doesn't work like that. Life is more like a garden. You may have just been out there weeding, pruning and watering this morning, and you got that thing looking spectacular... this afternoon, the summer heat wilted it, weeds came back and you suddenly have an aphid infestation! It's okay, be calm, one trial at a time we lay the path that is our life, just live it in awareness, you'll be all the more blessed for it.

As my life is transcending, so are my blogs, there may be a few bumps in the road ahead as I go through some construction, but please hang in with me. Life is an incredible journey and I only want to walk it with you if you'll let me. <3

On The Road to Florida # 12

Well we are now down to 23 weeks until my first trip to Florida to scout apartments. I had a fabulous week though might I say and I truly wasn't expecting that. When I wrote my last Florida post, I was feeling tired and flat and truthfully not certain how I was going to get back up. Maybe it was simply sheer determination, but this past week, I started walking one mile every day. Got back to drinking water and back to a more healthy diet, removing some of the inferior choices that had snuck in. I also lost 5 pounds this week. My writing is on fire. So much so that I feel like I simply slipped into a story and series that I was always meant to write. It's so perfect. Everything I've ever wanted to write crystallized into this one concept and I'm running with it!

So today, just one week later, I'm on fire! I'm doing the snoopy happy dance. I'm bouncing off the walls with joy and excitement. Its incredible! I've had a real shift in things this past week. I told a close friend that I felt like I was living in a Survivor challenge, the one where the group has to dig up or bring up from the bottom of the ocean or bring down from tree tops a bag of puzzle pieces, then one person has to put together the puzzle... I feel like I have all the puzzle pieces to my whole life on a table in front of me and I have to put this puzzle together, read the map and reach the destination on said map within 6 months! ... and the whole time Jeff Probst is dancing around naked distracting me!

You can be damn sure I'll make it though!

I'm working on a routine and discipline with consistency. I say that because it hit me this week how disrespectful I can be about you and this blog. I look at my stats about once a week on here and I know you are coming here, you are coming to read something for whatever reason and I take that for granted and skip days and days, keeping the blog like my own personal hobby rather than the camaraderie I'd like to extend. I currently have a plan to blog Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. This will move a couple of the regular series I'd been doing, but as I tend to blog late in the evening, I think you'll quickly get the hang of when new posts are available and of course you can always "follow" the blog either through blogger, networked blogs, or the widgets at the top left for RSS subscription or email.

I believe life is beautiful and full of endless possibilities and I believe that dreams come true all the time. I'm making it happen in my own life and I extend my experiences to you in the hopes that something I say encourages you or makes you think about something differently. I've learned with stunning clarity this year how one person can start off a domino effect in your thinking and change your entire world. I won't be so vain as to say I am that person, but I'm certainly willing to try and be her. ;-)

Have a great week everyone! I'll post the Monday Master Class late tomorrow night, but it will be up. I love and appreciate you so very much, because as full as my heart is, without someone to give that too, it makes no difference. I'm all about making the difference. ;-) 'Til next time ~ Samantha

I am...

becoming...

...stay tuned

A Preview of my Latest Blog Project

I'm tired of living by the limits others have set on me. I'm tired of playing down to a level that makes others comfortable. I have gifts I haven't even begun to tap into yet and a life so perfectly me waiting, all I need to do is get through the next 24 weeks and hit as many of my goals as possible. I realize I sound like a broken record, but that's simply because I can't afford to forget it. The 24 weeks are going to pass whether I do anything with them or not. Just because I don't feel like walking, or drinking my water on a day, it doesn't set that day aside in some magical pause, its a day lost and I've lost too many already.

Yes I'm a perfectionist and yes I like to push myself hard. I'm finding a routine of work hard play hard to work well for me, although I have struggles with the concept of rest and play still, but I'm working through those as best I can. I'm still struggling with motivation today. I of course had hoped it would be a matter of setting my mind to it and my emotions would fall along happily. Sadly, tis not the case. Won't stop me though, I'm working through the most important 24 weeks of my life, at the end of it, everything in my world will be changed, not simply my weight, but the reason I'm so focused on the weight is because I've discovered first hand how my weight will limit the life I want and as I said at the beginning of this post, I'm tired of living in a limited existence, aren't you?

Aren't you sick to death of people telling you what you can't do? ...read the rest of this post at my new weight loss blog here. ;-)